


Now or Never

by StarktheSnark



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Complete, Drunk Tony Stark, Late Night Calls, Late at Night, M/M, One Shot, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Short One Shot, Stony - Freeform, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-06-22 06:31:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15575838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarktheSnark/pseuds/StarktheSnark
Summary: Tony’s spent the last two years staring at the flip phone Steve gave him. One drunken night, Tony decides it’s been long enough. He has to call Steve.It’s now or never.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a fan art, that I now can’t find, and thought of this at ten o’clock at night. I wrote it immediately. This idea just hit me so suddenly

Tony pulled the whiskey bottle to his lips, his back against the bar in his suite. It was late, way later than he should be up. He honestly couldn’t say what the time was.  
  
He left his workshop - more like stormed out of it - when he couldn’t clear his mind enough to work. That was around 9:00pm.  
  
It had to at least be around three in the morning, if not later. Tony’s been through two or so bottles of whiskey as of the current moment, and he wasn’t sober enough or willing enough to count how many glasses he had.  
  
Tony pulled his knees up, resting his glass on his knee. It felt like a twenty-pound weight was resting in his other hand, but it was just the old, vintage flip phone that Steve had given him.  
  
 _Steve_.  
  
Christ, thinking of that man alone had Tony knocking back the rest of his whiskey. Every other night or so, when Tony didn’t get so exhausted he’d just pass out, he would stare at the phone. Or sleep with it. Or just carry it anywheres he went.  
  
He even programmed the number into his suits, and the number he could use to contact Steve.  
  
Tony gave it a look over before he set it on the floor next to his left foot. He couldn’t call. _He couldn’t_. Not after everything.  
  
But as Tony poured himself yet another glass of whiskey, he couldn’t help his wandering eyes from going back to the inferior phone.  
  
It was risky, and felt like a death wish, to even consider calling Steve. It wasn’t an emergency, but it had been almost two years since he’s heard Steve’s voice, and it was getting hard to withstand.  
  
Tony was strong, but not that strong. Not when he had a little over two bottles of whiskey swirling around the inside of his body. Not when it came to Steve.  
  
He breathed in deeply, shakily. He breathed out sharply. Now or never, right? It had been too long.  
  
Tony took a quick swig of the whiskey before he picked the phone back up, his hand tight around the small device.  
  
Now or never.  
  
The number was already pulled up when Tony opened it. The phone didn’t need to be charged, because Tony made it a priority to always keep it charged, no matter what.  
  
It always needed to be charged at the end of the day when Tony spent his alone time staring at the number for Steve’s own little flip phone.  
  
That thought made Tony chuckle, but it was bitter and tasted like his whiskey. Steve Rogers with a flip phone clipped to his belt, sitting right next to a dagger or a gun holster. Quite a sight that would be.  
  
He closed his eyes tightly as he wiped that thought away with his hand over his eyes. “Fucking Steve,” Tony slurred out with a small shake of his head.  
  
Now or never.  
  
Tony let his thumb hover over the faded green call button. Jesus, where did Steve find this thing? He shook his head again, trying to get his hazy mind to focus.  
  
He had to do it now, or he would never do it.  
  
 _He had to do it now_.  
  
Tony quickly pressed the call button before he could change his mind, then pressed the phone to his ear as he got comfier against the side of the bar.  
  
It rang. It rang again. And then it rang again. But then the call was picked up.  
  
Tony’s breath hitched and got caught in his throat. It was no longer a what if. It was what _now_. It was real.  
  
“ _Tony_? Is that you?” Came Steve’s eager, hopeful voice.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Tony squeezed his eyes shut, his lips parted as he tried to form words.  
  
Nothing.  
  
A pause. “Tony?... Hello?” Steve again. Fucking Steve.  
  
Tony felt like a fish with his mouth opening and closing. “I-I...I’m _sorry_ ,” He managed out. His words were slurred and choked back, but it could be heard.  
  
He quickly pulled the phone away from his ear as he pressed the red end call button.  
  
He couldn’t do it.  
  
Tony pressed the now closed phone to his forehead, right between his eyebrows, as he tried to take a deep breath.  
  
Sorry for what? Tony didn’t know, not specifically. He could be sorry for calling, sorry for not saying more, sorry for waiting so long, or sorry for the airport and Siberia.  
  
Tony’s hands shook. He let the phone drop into his lap as the tears came down at the same time.  
  
“I’m sorry,” He croaked out through the tears, not speaking to anyone. No one was around to hear, anyways. He was alone. Just like he was in Siberia.  
  
 _Fucking Steve_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a couple requests on my first chapter, I decided to write a second! I know it took me four months, but I've been busy and exhausted from school and work. Please enjoy some closure! I know Tony will.

_\- weeks later -_  
  
Tony pushed on. He moved on. He tried to forget. He had to.  
  
Steve wasn’t just going to come back into his life after a call like that, or even in general. He had better things to do apparently.  
  
It was better for Steve to stay underground anyways. He was still classified as a wanted criminal, but only under the table. The government didn’t want the world to freak out over Captain America’s arrest warrant. The government still wanted to profit off Captain America merchandise.  
  
Tony shook his head to himself as he worked on his nanotech. “Not the time,” He mumbled to himself. He had to focus. With this suit of armor, he wouldn’t have to wait to call on his armor in need, and he would be able to form any objects with just a simple thought.  
  
It would be revolutionary.  
  
His lips tugged up at the corners as he thought of the end result to his newest creation. It would save time when fighting and thus could save countless of lives. Possibly even his own life one day.  
  
The other slight problem is the technology is new, so he’s creating it from scratch. Plus, it’s going to be painful to implement the sensors into his skin in order for the nanotech to work properly.  
  
“ _Mr.Stark? You have a guest. He has requested to see you in the conference room and to remain unknown,_ ” FRIDAY spoke through the speakers in the workshop.  
  
Tony stopped working abruptly and looked up. “Well, just tell me who it is.” His brows furrowed together. Even when someone requests to remain unknown, FRIDAY never listens.  
  
“ _I’m sorry, I can’t do that. Just go to the conference room as requested_.”  
  
“FRIDAY, override.” Tony stood from his workstation chair and wiped his hands on a rag.  
  
“ _Not today, I’m afraid_.” He could swear there was a grin in FRIDAY’s voice, but there was no possible way for that.  
  
Tony grunted and grumbled to himself as he headed towards the door. What could FRIDAY possibly want to hide from Tony? FRIDAY usually doesn’t hide things, unless it’s something harmless involving Peter.  
  
Wait – that’s incorrect. FRIDAY has definitely done that before. FRIDAY’s just never not told Tony who he was meeting with. Tony didn’t care for surprise visits. Or surprise anything for that matter.  
  
“FRIDAY, remind me to check your circuits after the meeting.” Tony walked out his workshop. This was probably just a simple malfunction.  
  
“ _There’s no need for that, Mr. Stark. Everything is functioning as it should_.”  
  
Tony’s confusion only grew deeper. “Well...just let whoever it is know I may be a little longer. I want to get freshened up since I don’t know who I’m presenting myself to.”  
  
“ _Yes, sir. Will do_.”  
  
He walked back towards his private room in confusion, his hands in his pockets. Who on Earth could this person be that FRIDAY wouldn’t even tell Tony who they are?  
  
“They better be damn special,” He grumbled out loud. Of course, FRIDAY didn’t answer. He missed Jarvis.  
  
It didn’t take Tony long to freshen up. He didn’t bother with a suit, but he still wore a dress shirt with dress pants. Most likely he was going back in the lab after, so he didn’t want to dirty up a suit for nothing.  
  
The whole time as he walked towards the conference room, Tony was trying to visualize who the mystery person could be. It must have been someone that Tony wouldn’t outright agree to talking to yet someone who FRIDAY knows and trusts.  
  
What if it was Bruce? He’s been MIA for almost two years now. Tony nodded his head to himself. It’s the only reasonable answer after all. He couldn’t think of who else would come to the compound and try to surprise him by remaining anonymous.  
  
It suddenly hit Tony the immensity of everything that Bruce has missed. The Avengers are now officially disbanded. Thor left after Ultron and hasn’t returned since. Steve, Natasha, and Wilson are underground. Hell, Bruce doesn’t even know who Sam is.  
  
Thinking of that made Tony halt. Bruce doesn’t even know who Bucky is. Well, everyone who knows Steve Rogers knows who Bucky Barnes is. Though Bruce wouldn’t know Bucky as the Hydra Assassin commonly referred to as The Winter Soldier.  
  
That lucky little Bastard.  
  
Though, now Tony is going to have to go through the pain of explaining all this…this _mess_ to Bruce.  
  
Tony took a deep breath as he neared the conference room doors. “This is going to be painful,” He muttered to no one as he stood in front of the two doors. He was about to relive the past couple years all over again when he’s been trying his hardest to block out every part of by busying himself with new technology and helping the spider-kid.  
  
With one hand braced on the edge of either door, Tony pushed them open simultaneously. It sounded like Bruce had been pacing and decidedly stopped once the doors opened. Except, it wasn’t Bruce.  
  
It was Steve Fucking Rogers.  
  
Tony’s jaw tightened, and his posture straightened. FRIDAY definitely needed to be recalibrated. She was there when everything went down.  
  
“Tony.” Steve’s voice was tender. It almost sounded relieved, but Tony couldn’t be too sure. After all, he didn’t know Steve as much as he thought. Especially not this Steve.  
  
This Steve had a beard, and he didn’t look all that put together. As in, he doesn’t look like he’s had a decent shower in days. His uniform was dirty as can be. And yes, _uniform_. Steve Rogers was still wearing the same Captain America uniform that Tony designed for him after the New York incident. Though, now it was dirty and noticeably hadn’t been washed with actual soap in what looks like decades.  
  
Surprisingly enough, there wasn’t an odor detected.  
  
“You look…really good,” Steve commented with his oh-so-tender voice. It had been an awkward couple minutes while Tony processed what was actually going on.  
  
“What the fuck, Rogers?” He couldn’t help but snap with a hard gaze. It wasn’t exactly what he expected to say, but it came out anyways.  
  
Steve was obviously taken aback at the bluntness of Tony’s greeting, though he didn’t seem offended. After all, it was Tony’s right to act this way.  
  
“You-You can’t just— What the hell are you doing here?” Tony’s voice began to rise with his words before he realized the door was still ajar. Quickly, he turned and slammed the conference room doors closed then locked them.  
  
He kept his front facing the doors as he gripped the handles tightly. His heart was beating out of control.  
  
An anxiety attack.  
  
Steve kept his hands clasped in front of himself despite the urge to comfort Tony and to hug his old friend. That moment was far from happening.  
  
“You called the phone a couple weeks back, and then you wouldn’t answer any of my calls after—” Steve took a step forward as he spoke, and that caused Tony to whip back around.  
  
“ _I was drunk._ Alright?” Tony snapped with a sharp edge to his voice. “It didn’t mean anything. All that it meant was that I was in a bad place and, on top of that, I had too much to drink.”  
  
“So, what? I’m supposed to honestly believe that you calling me drunk means nothing?” Steve deadpanned. “I’m calling bullshit, Tony.”  
  
“Language.” It wasn’t the greatest comeback Stark has had, but it was a jab towards Steve and that’s all that mattered at the moment, other than Tony wanting to walk out and hide away.  
  
Steve crossed his arms over his chest, a hurt yet confused look settling on his features. “You called me at what was the middle of the night for you, and all I heard was you sobbing and apologizing to me. How did you expect me to react? What did you expect me to think?”  
  
Tony scowled at the wall behind Steve. He didn’t want to meet Steve’s eyes. “What can I say? I live for the drama.”  
  
He wanted more than anything to be able to turn his back and walk out to never see Steve’s face again. But Steve’s face is everywhere, and even though Tony was beyond angry with Steve, he didn’t want to risk the wrong person seeing Steve here.  
  
“Tones…” Steve’s voice was soft and tempting to Tony, but he couldn’t give in. Not after everything.  
  
“You don’t get to call me that. Hell, you shouldn’t even be able to call me Tony,” He grounded out before he rubbed his hands over his face in distress. “What do you want from me, Rogers? The Avengers are disbanded. Bruce and Thor are MIA. Hawkeye is retired. You took Natasha with you in the divorce. And I’m not giving an apology.”  
  
“There’s still no word from Thor or Bruce?” He questioned before he shook his head. “But none of that is what I’m here for.”  
  
Tony folded his arms over his chest and looked up to Steve, though he still wasn’t looking Steve in the eyes. “Do elaborate then. I want to know if I should get us some coffee or if I need to call my armor. Either is perfectly fine with me.”  
  
Steve rolled his eyes before he slumped down into one of the conference room chairs. There was an audible crack as Steve’s super soldier weight was set on the poor chair. “ _I_ came here to apologize.”  
  
Tony went to make another snarky comment, but Steve’s slumped shoulders and worn look stopped him. Steve was tense, but it wasn’t his normal _I’m a soldier, can you tell?_ tenseness.  
  
“I’m completely guilt-ridden, Tony. The letter I sent you was more of a—what’s that new phrase? The tip of the iceberg?” He rubbed a hand over his scruffy beard.  
  
Tony wandered if it really felt as scruffy as it looked.  
  
“Tony, the point is I’m sorry. Everything got so…so carried away. I was stubborn. It’s a bad habit of mine that apparently got enhanced after the serum,” Steve grumbled the last part to himself, and Tony couldn’t help the feeling of a smile coming on. But it was just a feeling. “Bucky… After my mom died, I only had Bucky. He offered to take me in, but I was too stubborn even for that.”  
  
Tony went to the corner of the conference room and started to make some coffee. In every conference room he has installed a coffee machine. “Do you still take it black?” He asked and glanced over his shoulder to Steve. It was starting to get personal, and a warm drink could hopefully help ease Steve better. If they were going to have this conversation, he might as well try to make it peaceful.  
  
Steve nodded in response to Tony before he leaned back in the chair. “Having Bucky back was, for me, like having back a part of me that I thought was gone. I wasn’t the same when I came out of the ice. I was different. But Bucky, he was my friend. He helped me remember who I used to be.”  
  
“So, what?” Tony set a cup down in front of Steve before he himself sat down in a chair. He made sure there was a chair between them incase things escalated. Steve noticed. “You decide to fight against everything and everyone you know for that?”  
  
“Tony, you know it wasn’t just that. There was also the acc—”  
  
“Don’t,” Tony snapped and glared down at his coffee. “You know it wasn’t really about the accords. You used that as an excuse since you already hadn’t agreed with them. You couldn’t-You couldn’t just sign the damn papers.”  
  
Steve nodded to himself as Tony countered him. He tried to prepare himself ahead of time for any possible counterargument that Tony could have. “I didn’t agree with them, Tony. We’d be like…an army if we had signed over the Avengers. The whole point of us was to be better than what any government could offer since we have better capabilities.  
  
“When Bucky came in, I knew he wouldn’t be treated as he needed to be treated. Not only was he falsely accused, but he wasn’t even The Winter Solider until Zemo snuck in and said the words he needed to. That isn’t Bucky’s fault.”  
  
Tony sat silently. That fight with Bucky was still fresh.  
  
Steve sipped at his coffee as did Tony. “I sent Bucky to King T’Challa for care. They’ve helped him. He can’t be mind-controlled anymore. He’s not a threat, and Bucky Barnes never was.”  
  
Tony raised an eyebrow to Steve over the rim of the coffee mug as he sipped on his coffee. “So,” He set the mug back down, but he wasn’t letting it go. “What are you apologizing for, exactly? Because I’ve just been hearing excuses.”  
  
Steve pressed his lips together. He understood what he put Tony through, but was it really that hard for him to civil? “I’m sorry for all of it. I don’t regret helping out Bucky, but I know it could have all been handled much differently and avoided all together. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner about your parents…” He paused after that and tried to see if he can catch Tony’s gaze, but there was no luck. “I…I didn’t know how. And I knew there would have been a bias set against Bucky. But _it wasn’t Bucky_ who did that. It was The Winter Soldier. Bucky was not in control.”  
  
It was hard for Tony not to explode with his emotions. He was angry, but he had to try to not let this lead to a fight. “You were my…friend. You could have told me, and I would have understood. But to know that you kept it from me? It was the tipping point on an already heavy plate.”  
  
Steve ran a hand through his hair. “King T’Challa told me something the day I brought Bucky to him. That day we fought, he had found Zemo and talked with him before he had attempted to shoot himself. Zemo put us in a mutli-step trap that was meant to pit us against one another.”  
  
“None of this takes away what you did. Not even just you,” Tony’s jaw clenched as he gripped his mug tightly. “You teamed up against me and _left me there_.” He let go of the mug to rub his hands over his face again. “I’ve had some bad break ups before, but that takes the cake.”  
  
“I came here to apologize, Tony. Before it gets too late. I don’t expect you to forgive or trust me. I know that’s too much to ask,” Steve rubbed his hand over his scruff. “I let my emotions get mixed up. It didn’t help that neither of us were taking the time to think. But if you ever need me, you know how to reach me.”  
  
Tony watched with a hard face as Steve stood from his chair. He headed for the door, and Tony couldn’t think of anything to say. He didn’t even know what to think. He wanted to be able to look past all of this, but he knew it would also take time for this to heal.  
  
“Steve,” Tony called out before he could change his mind. Steve stopped in front of the two doors and turned back to Tony. “I’m going to accept your apology, but just know that nothing is forgiven or excused. For both of us.”  
  
The captain almost smiled at that. It was a start for them; a new beginning, perhaps. At least, that was the hopeful thinking. “Remember, you know how to reach me.” Steve tapped on the flip phone he had attached to his belt before he finally walked out.  
  
Tony let out a heavy breath. His muscles relaxed. He hadn’t realized how tense he was during that. He rubbed his hands over his face before he rested his elbows on the table. With his face covered in his hands, he couldn’t help but to chuckle.  
  
Steve’s flip phone was on his belt. It looked out of place with his uniform, yet somehow part of it.  
  
Tony took a deep breath before he got up. Steve was not forgiven. Not yet. That day may come, it may not. In the meantime, Tony felt a sense of closure, and that was enough for him until he was ready for more.

**Author's Note:**

> This is so sad but I enjoyed writing it. Though it feels easier writing about post-Civil War than reading it.
> 
> Follow my Instagram @starkthesnark for more and for updates!


End file.
